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Computer Recipes

Cooking using your Computer

An amusing, though not necessarily practical, view of "computer cooking".

In the early days of computing it was possible to warm up food by leaving it near the power supplies of mainframes to take advantage of the huge amounts of heat produced, but modern computers have effects on cooking more akin to the Microwave Oven, involving a mysterious speeding-up effect on cooking. So, maybe the modern PC takes its place alongside the Panasonic Bread Making Machine as a 21st Century cooking device.

Here are a few computer recipes:


Take an oven ready chicken and put it in the standard oven and set it to cook for the normal amount of time.

Of course this would normally take an hour to cook.

Next, turn on the computer and start doing some interesting things. After about five or ten minutes, go and check the status of the roast chicken. Amazing! Just as if it was a microwave oven, the cooking has somehow been hastened and the chicken is done to a turn in only a few minutes!


First take some slices of potato and some pork sausages, and put them in a frying pan with plenty of greasy fat. Put the heat on at a low light.

Next start up the computer and begin a few interesting processes, maybe a few minutes online, just a few minutes, ...and then remember the fried chips and sausages and go and take a look.

Somehow time has dilated and the chips & sausages are now BLACK, crisped to a cinder. Even though it was only a few minutes of normal-time, the computer effect has taken place and turned the sausages and chips into genuine carbon, a real semiconductor!


Legend has it that canned meat is somehow associated with computers. In particular e-mail and pork luncheon meat. Anyway, it is possible to do an experiment to show that canned meat can KEEP longer than expected. To do this, here's the method:

Take a can of corned beef or similar, check the best-before date, and store it alongside the CD or box which came with the very latest operating system. Some Operating systems have before before dates too, examples including "best before 1995", "best before 1998", "best before 2000", and "Already XPired". Keep the meat unopened with the operating system box or CD. Next, when the operating system has changed from being supposedly the latest thing in ultimate newness to being entirely obsolete, check the meat Best Before date. Still well in date! Good to eat even though the operating system has long since exceeded its sell-by date!


Start the computer up and open up a packet of biscuits. Eat the first biscuit yourself and get on with the computer activity. ...But strangely a few minutes later all the biscuits have GONE! Who has eaten them?!

Other items which could be on this page but which are not: Mouse Cheese, "Apple" Crumble, and flaming christmas pudding power-assisted by the output of the fan on the back of a computer power supply (don't do it!)

This page is supposed to be humorous, but more serious food references can be seen on the page of FOOD, and computer related subjects can be seen on the COMPUTER page.