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In The Drink

Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum and all that. This method isn't for everyone. It appeals to a fortune seeking mentality with a romanticised sea-faring ethos to it. But prospective pirates and smugglers beware. There is an element of risk.

The first part of the method involves collecting forty-nine empty rum bottles, gin bottles, brandy bottles, etc. If you think this is a tall order, just start collecting them now - you'll be probably be shocked how quickly the collection builds up!

Hypothetically, and without prejudice, these bottles are to have messages inserted and are then to be launched seawards by dropping them off the town bridge by dead of night after making sure there are no water bailiffs or police about, and that the tide is going out, and that no-one happens to be boating under the bridge at the time.

But first, get a leaflet printed, forty-nine copies of this "message in a bottle", numbered of course. Churning them out of a computer is one method, or alternatively use a photocopier and then numbering them. To really go overboard on the old treasure map idiom, the sheets can be artificially aged by roasting them in the cooker at a temperature of a modicum less than 451 degrees Fahrenheit.

Also see Message in a Bottle

And what do you say on this message to be inserted in bottles to be cast adrift on the sea of fortune? Quite simple and to the point - you introduce yourself, then offer £1000 reward if you win the jackpot.

Then you wait for replies. What is the chance you'll get any response at all? Six out of forty-nine you hope. But that's all part of the risk and probability.

The consequences: The consequences are far-reaching. For one thing it could cost you between £6000 and £49000 if you win. But then you'll be able to afford it. It may also cost you, regardless of whether you win, a penalty if you get caught throwing loads of old bottles into the river. But like all treasure hunting it has its risks and its rewards. The most notable reward in this method is that you will get to meet like-minded people, as only a small and select minority of romantics will respond to your call.

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